Homecoming (do you think about me now and then)

Welcome.

The autumn leaves are turning brown, which means winter is kicking down the door soon. Yet I still have an adequate jacket. I'm thinking about copping one of those jackets with faux fur lining the hood. I just think its dope.

 Besides seasonal changes, life is changing and it's too fast (I probably mentioned this like a million times), when I was younger I was like "Yeah right" to older folks who told me that but man time is going fast: Believe that!

A change that scares me is happening to the closest people around me. I remember like three years ago, there would be a group of people that I would kick it on the regular. Now they got girls and/or a new crew. Now I'm the one that's looking from the outside.

"Yo dawg, you ain't got a girl yet? But you dress so nice, polite, and know what the 80s were like".

Swag. Check. Clothes. Fresh. Girl. Eh.

Some days, I just want to kick it with my brah but he always uses the excuse of work and sometimes even avoids me but hanging out with his friends.

I feel like I'm on some "The Hills ish". In the beginning, yeah I was like guess I would consider myself selfish to want persons to hang out with me. But I grow, she grow, he grow, we grow.  The thing I fear is any friendships I have we wouldn't be as close as we were back in the day.

One thing is I'm proud cause just to see growth. Like I have a ton of friends who in the back day we shy and timid now they can also be in the center of attention. Now I feel like I need to catch up.

But I'm like Jay, I never change. I always say this; I'm the same ol' G. If you knew me back in '99, you know me in '07. One thing is I always remember is where I come from and the road I took for me to be the man now.

I visited my old school and it was a refreshing experience. I felt like the fish that left the small pond and went to the ocean. But this fish, for one day, came back to the freezing small pond opposed to the warm ocean waters.

Fortunately there were a good amount of people who knew who I was or else I looked like a fool. There is this one guy who was expressionless ever since I knew him and the day I came back he was hyped.

Some comments I got:

"What! What are you doing here. Shouldn't you do bigger and better things?"

"At least you came back. Some people don' t come back to see the little people that they stepped on to reach to the top"

And the classic:

"Shouldn't you be in class today?"

I had to do it. Some days, I'm like, " I wonder how (insert name) is doing?" and deep inside I want (that name used in insert name) to be like that to me.

I guess now I'm going back to pay the bills. It's no joke, it was all good a year ago. Now with credit card bills, rent, and tuition I got to pay in the thousands. Trust me. I didn't spend anything on clothes this time around.

Peace and Love,

Tony

Currently Listening Graduation By Kanye West see related

First of all, I hoped everyone enjoyed the holidays and the New Year. I can't believe it's already 2007 (I'm the type that would write 2006 as the year (on everything) for the next couple of months). That aside, I have to apologize if I blog once a month. There's a formula for me to blog: Inspiration + Time = Blog. And sometimes I have one but not the other and in order to get the output of a blog, essentially both is needed. I have to reiterate, damn, it's 2007 and I'll be gone in less than six months.

Tony-------- allergic to winter time. The cold is destroying my skin. My once hand model worthy hands are diminished to dry, rough and easily cut. I wish it is my favorite season, spring. Also in other life news, I'm back to working. Tony-------- allergic to broke. I thought about it, I really need money for books, gas, and other miscellaneous bills. I'm also taunted by a couple. A couple of Nikes that is! That is the sole reasons why I am working. Some of my friends find it laughable that I'm only working to get a pair sneakers but you have to look fly in this day and age. I also love the color schemes one is shades of blues and the other is earth tones. Two pairs of Nikes ain't cheap, I'll get it during one of those buy one get one half off type of deals. Hopefully that's next week. But sale or not, I'm getting them. I guess now you know what I'm allergic to: the cold and not having money.

I've been dreaming a lot lately. The dreams would occur during the day, pre-sleep, or in my sleep. But there is one that has been reoccurring during the pre-sleep process. One of my dreams is to record an album. I would think of amazing lyrics and concepts for songs, but then I would forget them. I would also always forget about putting a notebook next to my bed when the lyrics light up. This is definitely an annoyance because I could be a billionaire because of these lyrics. Sometimes maybe it's not supposed to be. Yeah, right. People who actually know me, knows that if I have a goal or a dream, it's going to get done sooner or later even though I lack "classical" training in music and people have criticized my voice that it is too "monotone". I would also dream of having something like MTV support to achieve mainstream success. A friend humorously suggested the program "MADE". Hi, I'm Tony and I want to make an album. I would laugh but if the opportunity arises, I would take it in a heartbeat. If I don't get the mainstream taste of fame; I just record something just for me and my friends. I guess another reason why I would hate/love to make an album; I would not forgive myself if I release bullshit. I want to make something that I would think is perfect in my eyes, not yours, not saying that the audience is not important, but I want to do something that would make me proud of myself. Not to sound contradictory, also I have to make something that won't embarrass my people (i.e. William Hung).

The album would be a concept album. In the beginning portion of the album would feature more intricate sounds with synthesizers, drum machines and such and towards the end it would be extremely simple with maybe an acoustic guitar. The first half would be rapish, crunkish, and technoish. (Basically club music) and the second half would be R&Bish, and soft rockish (Basically more mellow out stuff). The concept of the album is beginning of the album features more sounds, right? It in my mind it would represent a lot of people as the album progresses it gets simpler thus getting to know one person a little more. Also any idiosyncratic of the album who be me imitating musical artists due to lack of funds for guest appearances. I have too many ideas, so little time.

I had the craziest food the other day*. It was fried chicken fingers with peanut butter sauce. It was crazily good. You know your boy loves fried chicken and add that with peanut butter it's just right. It reminds me of the Luther Burger with its high calories.

* I don't do my blogs in one day, so it could be anytime within the past week or so.

Oh yeah, last but not least I'm going up to U. Park to look for some apartments this weekend so I holla.

Its almost over now.....

three more finals to go....
two weeks of work....
one gift...

$

Stayed Chilled like Bill Bixby
Game like Bill Bixby
R.I.P. Bill Bixby

What autumn brings........

"see all them leaves must fall down, growin old

Fat titties turn to teardrops as fat ass turns to flab

Sores that was open wounds eventually turn to scab

Trees bright and green turn yellow brown

Autumn caught em, see all them leaves must fall down, growin old"

- Outkast's "Growing Old"

Sometimes the best way to describe life is through lyrics. 

Time has been real, a little too real. I thought about it, 

I find myself having lunch alone a lot lately. It's lonely, 

damn just last year I at least had another person or two or 

three by my side. I finally know how it feels to be the lonely 

kid. I guess being alone is test in life. In life, learning to 

be dependant is one of the hardest lessons to learn and the worst 

of all there's no tutoring.  Last year, my social tree was in bloom 

with its verdant greens. Now I feel it's withered in the autumn and I 

watch all the leaves fall. I try to touch the leaves but it seems that 

they all were blown away. I'm growing old.

Currently Listening Press Play By Diddy see related